Fascination
by JadeBaoYu
Summary: Lily Evans never could understand her fascination with the tall aristocratic blonde while she was in school, and she was damned if she knew why she was continuing this affair now she was out of it. Particularly as her name was now Lily Potter.


Summary: Lily Evans never could understand her fascination with the tall aristocratic blonde while she was in school, and she was damned if she knew why she was continuing this affair now she was out of it. Particularly as her name was now Lily Potter.

* * *

Lily Potter had been lying in the muggle hotel room for hours, after yet another encounter with a man who wasn't her husband had ended. Her clothes lay discarded on the other side of the room, and a cane was lying across the coffee table, alongside a pile of neatly folded men's clothes. It was clear whoever these clothes belonged to was the complete opposite of Lily. The sound of rushing water flooded the room, and she sighed.

It had been so long since this had all started. She had known him for years, almost as long as she had known her husband, and the affair had been going since barely a month out of Hogwarts. She never could understand her fascination with the tall aristocratic blonde while she was in school, and she was damned if she knew why she was continuing this affair now she was out of it. Particularly as she was now Lily Potter, particularly as she married James Potter and particularly as that tall aristocratic blonde's name was Lucius Malfoy and he too was married, toNarcissa Malfoy nee Black.

Lily threw her head back on the pillow and thought back to the first time she had met Lucius Malfoy.

* * *

_The petite red headed girl waited patiently outside the Potions classroom. A draught was running around the hallways, so she was a little cold, but she was hardly going to burst in on her Professor and his guest._

_"- good to see you again of course Lucius - the wife to be?"_

_"- Narcissa is fine - wedding postponed again-"_

_"- turmoil I suppose -"_

_"Goodbye Professor,"_

_Lily was able to hear whisperings of a conversation floating through the door, but as soon as she heard footsteps she stepped back, grasping her potions essay close to her. A tall man, looking just a little older than the seventh years, left the room. He had long white-blonde hair and cold looking grey eyes. In one hand he was clutching a cane and he was staring down at her._

_"You should be more careful little Gryffindor, one never knows who could be down in the dungeons," he whispered, loud enough that she could hear, but without the jolly potions Professor behind him being able to tell what he said. The man, Lucius he had been called, swept past her and down the hall leaving Lily standing slightly shocked, but with a scowl on her face as she looked at his retreating back._

_"Miss Evans?" Slughorn asked in surprise at the girl. Her neck snapped round, her face turning to seek his._

_"Professor. I wanted to ask you something about the essay you assigned," she said._

_"Of course, come in Miss Evans," he smiled happily as he let her in._

* * *

Even back then she had been much more enamored with Lucius Malfoy than her husband. She couldn't quite remember the first time she had met James Potter, but she could put her finger on one or two times from her first year she had been particularly irritated by the messy haired bespectacled boy.

* * *

_"Hey Evans!" James Potter had walked over again. He insisted on doing so whenever she was deeply immersed in her work, head hunched over, nose buried in her book. It was always this moment he called out to distract her and then proceed to approach her and tug at her hair until she deigned to look at him. At which point he would ask her something completely pointless before she snapped at him in response. A first year and already such a temper and a reputation as a loner. She was okay with that though, she liked being alone, and she disliked James Potter even more._

_"What now Potter?" she snapped, before he could tug at her hair. But he sat beside her and began pulling at her red locks regardless. "Potter ..." she warned, giving him one chance to remove his hand before she did so for him._

_"Play exploding snap with us!" he said, his perpetual happy grin on his face._

_"No," she replied bluntly, gathering her books and leaving the common room for the library._

* * *

Her frustration with James Potter increased throughout the school year, though by Easter he had gotten the message that she did not have any wish to be one of his friends and he had instead begun pranking her along with his best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. But she preferred the pranks to his attempts at her friendship so she did not complain, simply undoing the pranks if she could or going to a teacher if it was beyond her limits to remove whatever magical trick they had decided to bestow her with.

She had been perfectly happy with no one to call a friend, it meant she could get more work done that way. Many liked her, but none would try and befriend her after seeing the way she pushed James Potter away.

Of course, eventually things had to change, and clearly they had, Lily thought, referring plainly to her marriage and affair to two people she once, if not hated, at least greatly disliked. She had seen Lucius every so often around Hogwarts and Diagon Alley, and even had the odd talk, or argument, as it was after one encounter when he had interrupted her and James arguing. But the turning point for Lucius was during the Christmas holidays of her seventh year.

* * *

_"You ought to be inside Miss Evans," his silky smooth voice came out of the night. "It is cold, and you are out past curfew anyway."_

_"A warming charm Mr Malfoy, surely you thought of that," she replied._

_"That does not answer the question of curfew though,"_

_"I am sure you will not report me."_

_"That is certainly true," he sat beside her, his lips curling gingerly as he lay his cane besides him. "What is troubling you?"_

_"I am ... lonely. not a feeling I am used to. I was fine on my own. And then ... I am going out with James Potter now. And I miss him, a foreign concept though it is to me,"_

_"Of course. Only to be expected that the mudblood eventually gave in to the blood traitor," he sneered. It did not surprise her when he called her mudblood. Though he had never said it out loud both knew inwardly that was what he referred to her as, and so she said nothing, for a moment. Then,_

_"What does it matter to you? You hate me! I can see it in your eyes Malfoy," she dropped all pretences of manners as she stood up, he soon following her in that action. "So what? Why are you always here? Always around, hating me with your eyes, but from your mouth nothing but manners and charm!"_

_"A mudblood ought not to raise its voice," Lucius snarled. "I have let you off before, but,"_

_"But what? You'll punish me now! Come now Malfoy, surely we are beyond that? Just answer my questions."_

_"You interest me. A mudblood, but such passion. Such power and knowledge. Cause to question beliefs even," he said, reverting back to his usual monotonous voice. "Perhaps you should head to bed now Lily." And he walked away._

* * *

It was the first time he had actually referred to her as Lily, whether it be in his head or out loud, and that alone stopped Lily from running after him and shouting at him. Now she found him calling her Lily common, though when they were in bed he often reverted to Evans, something she found particularly endearing.

Of course she had then proceeded to marry James and throw herself into that relationship. And then the affair had begun.

* * *

_"When's the order meeting James?" Lily asked her husband, pecking him briefly on the lips._

_"The Professor just Flooed, its in an hour, in his office," James replied, smiling at the redhead. "Have a good sleep Lils?"_

_"Yeah, that's the last time I'm staying up with you Marauders to drink," she grinned. James gasped._

_"What? Lily Potter, not drinking?"_

_"I never said not drinking, just not with you," she poked her tongue out, which he took as an invite to kiss her. "I'll be back in time for the meeting, I just need to pop out and buy some more socks, mine seem to be disappearing."_

_"I'll call Remus over to check the house out, you never know what could be stealing them," James said. "Bye Lils."_

_"See you Jamie," she laughed, "I'll only be an hour."_

_As soon as Lily left the protective wards she apparated to Diagon Alley with a brief pop. She left through the Leaky Cauldron and quickly found a department store in Muggle London. It took her no time at all to get some socks and buy them, and then she was back on her way to Diagon Alley, where she could safely apparate home._

_As she walked through the Entrance to Diagon Alley she caught a glimpse of white blonde hair and all of a sudden froze up. She still had trouble not investigating any sighting of someone who even looked a tiny bit like Lucius. Glancing at her watch she decided she had enough time to at least see if it was Lucius and, having made up her mind, she walked in the direction he had gone._

_Lily rounded a corner. And there he was, leaving the Apothecary. She watched as a smirk made itself known on his face, and knew immediately he had seen her._

_"My, my Miss Evans, its been a while, hasn't it?" he sneered._

_"Its Mrs Potter now, actually. And besides, I thought you were calling me Lily last time we spoke,"_

_"A slip of the tongue, I assure you,"_

_"I don't doubt it Malfoy,"_

_"Dropping the formalities now?"_

_"Since you called me a mudblood, yes."_

_"Yet you do not deny it, do you mudblood?"_

_"How can I? It would be useless,"_

_"So you resign yourself? That is not the Lily Evans I knew, marriage has made you soft," he shook his head, almost in shame._

_"You don't know me Lucius," her voice raised in volume slightly, and they were both thankful of the deserted Alley. No one around to see what transpired next._

_"I know you better than you think Lily," he snarled, and then pressed his lips to hers. "Mudblood." He mouthed the final word into her lips, harshly, and then disappeared with a pop, leaving Lily standing there, eyes closed, lips parted slightly and arms hanging limply by her sides. She took two deep breaths and apparated home._

* * *

She hadn't been able to get him out of her mind after that, and it had let to much more than kisses, over and over again. Lucius was like a drug for Lily. And now she had to stop it.

"Lily?" he was always cautious when he entered the room after sex. Just in case her mood had changed and she was now angry, as it had before.

"This is so wrong Lucius," there, the tears started. So she was in that mood again.

"I know Evans," he never called her Lils as James did, Evans seemed so much more affectionate, in particular as that was no longer her name.

"I'm pregnant. And its James'. I checked as soon as I knew. And I know Narcissa is pregnant too, further gone than me ... but still. We have to stop."

Of course they didn't. Love, or whatever they had, continued right through both Narcissa's and Lily's pregnancies, and after. Up until Halloween of 1981.

* * *

The Potters had been in hiding for several months already, Lily and James often slipped out on visits, taking turns, just to have some contact with the outside world.

"I'm going to my sisters," Lily told her husband, she had been using Petunia as an excuse for a while, saying their relationship was getting better. It was, she rang her occasionally and Petunia seemed ready to change her opinion of witches and wizards, but she was not going to visit her.

"Don't be late Lils," James smiled up at her from his position on the floor with baby Harry, and she couldn't help but wish he would call her Evans again.

"I won't," she said, as she apparated out of the wards, straight into a flat Lucius had rented long before.

* * *

**"Happy" ending:**

"Stay," Lucius held onto Lily's arm, pulling her back into bed. "Let him worry, go back in the morning."

It took a little persuasion, but she did.

She never regretted it. The loss of her husband hit her hard, but arriving back at her home to a dead James Potter and a crying baby Harry, plus the remains of one Dark Lord had given her enough of a shock to keep her awake enough to fabricate a story, at least for now. She had been knocked unconscious downstairs, and James had fought Voldemort, giving his life to protect little Harry.

She told the truth eventually, to close friends, she had to when her marriage came through, she had to explain.

Lily stood, watching Harry and Draco playing with Lucius. She turned to Remus and Sirius, the latter of whom was looking determinately away.

"You can't help who you love Lily," Remus said sadly. "I understand. And Sirius will get over it, it is his best friend after all. I know you loved James too. You just love Lucius more."

"Thanks Remus. It means a lot," she smiled at the werewolf. "I hope you'll always be around for Harry, and Draco too."

"I will Lily, promise."

* * *

**"Unhappy" ending:**

"I have to go now," Lily had whispered, sliding out of bed, "I'll be back in a few days."

That was the last time Lucius ever saw her. The Dark Lord attacked that night, only hours after Lily had left the flat.

If only he had been able to stop her, Lucius thought to himself every time he looked into the eyes of his love, implanted permanently in the face of her perfect match. That was what James Potter was, he and Lily had been and always would be perfect, what Lucius and Lily had could never have been given a label like perfect.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed.

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